"Your too sensitive but I'm a pro at giving advice"

“I don’t understand why he has to be so sensitive.”

I aint a genius, but I have learned through the years both in working with people and from my own experience that when somebody makes a statement like the above it might have more to do with the way one person is giving advice versus the sensitivity level of the one receiving. Sometimes it’s both sides. Most people don’t like receiving criticism and some wear their feelings on their sleeves due to temperament, state of mind or issues like stress at work, troubles with the kids, depression, and financial woes.

In a marriage, if one of you is overly sensitive because of these issues, work on them. Deal with / process the issue as best as you can.

Get help. Seek professional help or ask a friend to assist you in identifying unrealistic expectations or unhealthy beliefs which can drive over sensitivity.

Exercise. Exercise produces feel good hormones which help you to better deal with “non feel good” emotions.

Get more sleep. Everybody needs regular amounts, levels of healthy sleep. Don’t fool yourself.

Eat right. Poor diet and eating habits can certainly negatively affect your moods.

Take one step at a time to bring about positive changes. Whether dealing with finances, kids, work or depression, the hardest step but most productive is usually the first.

For the one who is giving advice/ criticism here are a few pointers:

Speak to the future not the present. It is often better to request a change of behavior in the future versus “right now”. It tends to be less threatening. Instead of saying “you left your socks on the floor again!” say “In the future, would you mind picking your socks up? I would really appreciate it.”

Compliment, Criticize, Compliment. Follow this sequence for better responses. Instead of saying “you did a lousy job cleaning out the car today!” say “You have been really trying to help me lately, I appreciate that. You did a great job cleaning out the car but I noticed a few streaks on the windows. If I could suggest using the new window cleaner I bought recently I bet that will take care of it.”

Giving and taking criticism is like anything else in life, you get better the more you practice. Learn from mistakes. Try new approaches. Read and ask others for advice on what works for them.

Remember, you don’t learn to waltz by giving up or overreacting when somebody steps on the others toes. You learn to dance by pushing through mistakes and both of you moving in the right direction- together.