Pain can be good for you

Pain can be good for you
· Posted by Mitch Temple on May 25, 2009 at 9:41pm
· View My Blog
I saw a bumper sticker today that read: "Pain is the body's way of getting rid of weakness." At first, I didn't know if I agreed or not. But when I thought about it, pain really can address weakness. If we experience neck pain due to a disk being out of place, the pain can actually motivate us to take action: go to the Doctor, learn to relax or do exercises designed to build muscles around the weak area and move the disk back into place.

I can attest to the last remedy for minor disk issues- it worked for me. I went to several doctors, took different kinds of medicines and went to Physical Therapy for months. But the decision to start a routine of exercises to build neck muscle from a friend of mine at work was what did the trick. After several weeks of targeted exercise, my neck pain went away. Now I do these exercises as part of my regular morning routine to make sure the pain stays away. So far, so good.

Personally my physical pain motivated me to search for help until I found the answer. Once I found the answer, I have stayed committed to keep addressing it.

The same principle applies to pain that what once very profound in my own marriage (read about it in the excerpt on this site or in the book The Marriage Turnaround).. Since finding and addressing my pain, I have given the same advice to hundreds of couples I have worked with through the years- allow the pain, though undesirable and uncomfortable, to motivate them to search for answers until they find them. Don' t allow pain to simply become the norm. Pain can be a bridge from a point of pain to a point of pleasure. A butterfly cannot fly until it struggles through the cocoon. Gold doesn't become pure until it is passed through the fire. A sword doesn't become strong until forged by the hammer.

“Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” St. James (James 1: 2-4).

Trials can forge us into better people and better spouses. Don't waste energy on short cuts for marriage pain - burying your self in work, focusing your energy on the kids, blaming others, having an affair or even in secret sins like pornography. All these may dull the pain for a while, but they never really deal with it. Face the pain head on. Allow it to point to the area of weakness in your marriage and then do something about it. Stop "looking for miracle drugs" and face the pain head on and responsibly. If you don't know how, learn. Ask for help, even professional help.

Once you start looking seriously at finding the source and remedy of your pain, be ready for the possibility that the pain may point right back at you as the source of weakness. I know it did in my case. It was a hard pill to swallow.

I am glad I did. No regrets.

Let me challenge you to not ignore or shortcut the pain in your marriage or your life. Embrace its reality and get to work to resolve it.