Balance- What I learned from an Indian Chief Professor

While living in Colorado I attended an Indian Pow-wow not far from my home, across the road, into the forest, higher up into the front range of the Rockies. It was about one mile from my home.  I really didn’t know what I was getting into as I drove higher and higher down the rocky road following sign after sign “turn here” “turn here”. But I finally arrived.

Along with the wind rushing through the Ponderosa Pines, I heard sounds that transported me back over a hundred years ago, the sounds of handmade drums and Indians songs echoing through the trees, fading in and out.

I met a man who was not only a true Indian; he was a PhD scholar of History, American Indian History at the University of Colorado . . E-Ha-Nanni – “He who walks among us.”

We talked about many things including Crazy Horse and his two wives and how he had to sleep between them each night because they were insanely jealous of the other. If the famous Chief turned on his side, the wife on the opposite side became angry. If he turned on the other side, same thing. So he slept most of his life on his back staring up at the stars and wondering why in the world he thought he needed two wives.

The other thing he shared with me was the fact he had been sober for 32 years. He said he went to AA. It didn’t work. He tried to simply resist temptation by saying no. But that was only temporary.

He said what worked for him was a belief his people had passed down for centuries - that in life there are two roads: a Red road and a black road. The red road is good; the black road is bad filled with selfishness, materialism and bad choices.  He learned that the way to overcome the temptation to drink was to find balance between the two roads.  He learned in stead of saying “Yes” or “No” to temptation to say: “later”. That seemed to take the pressure off him. “No” didn’t work. “Yes” only got him into trouble. He lost his wife because of his addiction.

He found balance, not a yes or no decision.

I think balance is also a road we have to walk in marriage and parenting. There are black and whites, but there is a sense of seeking balance between the two extremes.

God did not provide 10 commandments for relationships. No thou shall not’s for every situation. He provided some basic solid truths which are black and white  but he mostly provided general principles to follow. I wonder why? Did he know that the personality differences, experiences, social, financial, ethnic, geographic influences, emotional challenges, physical demands, would all enter the picture regarding working out marriage and parenting issues?  I think so. And I also think that He knows that when we grapple with things we don’t know the answer to, there is intrinsic value and benefits to the process of struggling though we wish for a solid point in the right direction.

When it comes to making decisions, communicating, resolving problems in relationships- think balance.

The answer is not always black and white. Be willing to yield in some areas. Realize that some problems are perpetual, they cannot be solved once and for all. Look for ways to move past by accepting that not every problem as a yes or no, this way or that way answer.

Think about it.