Wondering if our marriage has too much to overcome to be saved :(
There is so much that has gone on in our marriage, that sometimes I wonder if it is just too much to overcome, even if we both totally worked on it. The pain is so unbearable sometimes, I can barely stand it. There are so many challenges and hurts that have gone on, that sometimes I wonder if God's will for me is not to stay in the marriage, but to get out. This is our second seperation. My husband wants to work things out and is willing to go to counseling and went to counseling last time as did I. I guess I've had a foot out the door for a long time. I'm tired of the way I've been living and I know that it isn't all my husband's fault, but my choices as well. I feel very damaged as a person and in our marriage. I have many people encouraging me to leave the marriage (most Christians and some not). Sometimes I want to just let my marriage go, as I feel hopeless and don't know what God even wants me to do anymore. I'm so tired of being hurt and I feel like nothing I do helps the situation. I've been working on myself and my attitudes. I have heard so many wonderful stories about people's marriages being turned around, but wonder if I need to give up the fantasy that one day my marriage will be better too. I have to face reality, and it is terrible. I really want my marriage to work and to have a better marriage at that. I'm on the fence right now because some of the issues, I have to see action from my husband before I will return. They are serious issues that without change, our marriage should not be restored, no matter how much I love him or he loves me. Standing up for what I know is right is really difficult. Knowing that I risk losing my marriage over these issues is even more difficult. Please pray for me and our marriage. Thanks.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mitch Temple on -
Allison, I will pray for you right now. Where you are is not unfamaliar territory for many, many people. You are not alone and your struggles are not unknown to other christians who have walked in your shoes.
Keep in mind that your hurt is real and its very heavy. Your emotions are bruised deeply. But, what you are feeling (hopelessness and fear) may not actually be the way things really are, reality/ truth. What we feel is real, but our feelings/ emotions can be far from reality and the hope that is found in something bigger than us. The reality is that there is hope. No, you cant force him to do the right thing or be at the point you wish and know he should be at. But as long as he is trying, you are trying, there is hope. No matter what has occured in the past, the future can be different. And, even after some people divorce, there is hope. Jeff and Cheryl's story proves that.
When you look at situations like yours, especially from the inside out, it screams no hope. When God looks from heaven through eyes that guided His hands to pull life out of dust and universe out of darkness, he knows there is hope.
Remember, He can do beyond what we imagine. Trust that today. Focus your thoughts, prayers and actions on the hope that really is there, not what you feel. Tomorrow, try to do the same. One day at the time. That is what I am praying for you today.
Mitch
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Permalink Reply by Michelle Waggoner on -
Hi Alison,
I also will be praying with to for God to give you this same hope day after day for your marriage as well!
I , also have been separated from my husband now numerous times in our 29 year marriage, and my story sounds the same as yours, only my husband has filed for divorce, even though we still talk almost daily.
We've been separated now for about 8 months, and it has truly been a huge huge blessing to have a few different churches in my area that I can turn to for the pastors loving support & prayer...and I have been reading every faith filled marriage book that I can get my hands on!!! :)
Through all of this God has provided some amazing examples of lives that do eventually open up to truth! I have not had a chance to be able to read Mitch's book yet....( just got my sign up today); but I know beyond a shadow of doubt for myself that my life will suffer even more if we do continue to give in to the enemy; and I & My PRECIOUS FAMILY are worth far too much to let him win!
For the first 4 mo of our separation, I was talking to people who were not in support of God's plan for marriage; even though they were ALL christians .... so I just had to cut all of their reliability for their advise out & away from my heart.
This is a very, very challenging & sometimes exhausting experience (that my husband has not learned to do yet, as these were all the same who are supporting him to file...such a sad situation), but I will also just pray for that daily strength from the Lord again for you; as He Is so Surprisingly, Wonderfully , Awesome to us!!!
...And Lastly too Alison, I will pray especially, that God's Miracle Promise can return for you as well, not certainly negating anything that you and your husband will have to work out between the two of you for the Wonderful promise of Love that only God can restore! .
..so I too will pray for God's , Love, Mercy, & Peace surround You each day for you & for all those who Loved Ones as Well. should you choose to work out all the details that will bring truthful understanding back into you and your husbands marriage.
The Two of YOU are all Worth It!!
God Bless, Michelle
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Permalink Reply by Mitch Temple on
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Michelle, these are wonderful words of hope. God bless you for sharing what you are going through. Your attitude and spirit of optimism amaze me and blesses me.
I will pray for you
Mitch
Michelle Waggoner said:Hi Alison,
I also will be praying with to for God to give you this same hope day after day for your marriage as well!
I , also have been separated from my husband now numerous times in our 29 year marriage, and my story sounds the same as yours, only my husband has filed for divorce, even though we still talk almost daily.
We've been separated now for about 8 months, and it has truly been a huge huge blessing to have a few different churches in my area that I can turn to for the pastors loving support & prayer...and I have been reading every faith filled marriage book that I can get my hands on!!! :)
Through all of this God has provided some amazing examples of lives that do eventually open up to truth! I have not had a chance to be able to read Mitch's book yet....( just got my sign up today); but I know beyond a shadow of doubt for myself that my life will suffer even more if we do continue to give in to the enemy; and I & My PRECIOUS FAMILY are worth far too much to let him win!
For the first 4 mo of our separation, I was talking to people who were not in support of God's plan for marriage; even though they were ALL christians .... so I just had to cut all of their reliability for their advise out & away from my heart.
This is a very, very challenging & sometimes exhausting experience (that my husband has not learned to do yet, as these were all the same who are supporting him to file...such a sad situation), but I will also just pray for that daily strength from the Lord again for you; as He Is so Surprisingly, Wonderfully , Awesome to us!!!
...And Lastly too Alison, I will pray especially, that God's Miracle Promise can return for you as well, not certainly negating anything that you and your husband will have to work out between the two of you for the Wonderful promise of Love that only God can restore! .
..so I too will pray for God's , Love, Mercy, & Peace surround You each day for you & for all those who Loved Ones as Well. should you choose to work out all the details that will bring truthful understanding back into you and your husbands marriage.
The Two of YOU are all Worth It!!
God Bless, Michelle
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Permalink Reply by Cory McDonald on -
Hi Alison,
I will pray for you, your husband, and your marriage. Don't lose hope. My wife and I were separated for 3 months (doesn't sound like a long time, but it felt like 100 years) and I had days where things seemed hopeless and then days where things were really hopeful. I feel that divorce is never the answer. Even if we divorce those issues we had in our marriages (hurt, fear, etc) are still going to be there and every relationship will be affected by those issues until we resolve them.
Wait on God and allow Him to work. Commit to your marriage and to your husband that you are in this for the long haul, change your way of thinking (from Mitch's book) a lot of things change quickly once we change our way of thinking. I am proof that God can restore any marriage, I struggled with anger most of my life from an abusive childhood and I took those issues into my marriage and treated my wife horribly, but God broke me and worked overtime on me and when He knew we were ready He restored our marriage.
God Bless,
Cory
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Permalink Reply by Margo Ann Harrison on
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Hello Alison, I to I'm going though some deep hurts in my marriage that I find so hard to overcome, because the pain is so strong. I have found myself asking the same question you have, I know the feeling of hopelessness and feeling like giving up, but that is when I remind myself of the commitment I made before God the day we got married and I keep reminding myself of what God CAN DO! Just remember that God works in his time...not ours, we have to give it all to him!
I pray that God gives you the strength and wisdom you need. Trust in your Lord God with all your heart!
God Bless You!
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Permalink Reply by Michelle Waggoner on
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Hey Alison.....still praying for you & Family!! Lord Protect Every Ones Hearts with Your precious soothing, healing Balms!!!!
Thank You Again Abba Father for giving up everything for Us...Amen!!
Take Care Dear Ones! :)
Michelle
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Permalink Reply by Michelle Waggoner on
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Oh Thank You so Much Mitch... and thank you for writting such fabulous, inspiring book for couples to be encouraged to know how to turn things around in thier marriages!!
This web sight has been an excellent tool for hurting people to come to as well; praise The Lord for your Ministry...keep up the good work for His Kingdom!
Michelle
Mitch Temple said:Michelle, these are wonderful words of hope. God bless you for sharing what you are going through. Your attitude and spirit of optimism amaze me and blesses me.
I will pray for you
Mitch
Michelle Waggoner said:Hi Alison,
I also will be praying with to for God to give you this same hope day after day for your marriage as well!
I , also have been separated from my husband now numerous times in our 29 year marriage, and my story sounds the same as yours, only my husband has filed for divorce, even though we still talk almost daily.
We've been separated now for about 8 months, and it has truly been a huge huge blessing to have a few different churches in my area that I can turn to for the pastors loving support & prayer...and I have been reading every faith filled marriage book that I can get my hands on!!! :)
Through all of this God has provided some amazing examples of lives that do eventually open up to truth! I have not had a chance to be able to read Mitch's book yet....( just got my sign up today); but I know beyond a shadow of doubt for myself that my life will suffer even more if we do continue to give in to the enemy; and I & My PRECIOUS FAMILY are worth far too much to let him win!
For the first 4 mo of our separation, I was talking to people who were not in support of God's plan for marriage; even though they were ALL christians .... so I just had to cut all of their reliability for their advise out & away from my heart.
This is a very, very challenging & sometimes exhausting experience (that my husband has not learned to do yet, as these were all the same who are supporting him to file...such a sad situation), but I will also just pray for that daily strength from the Lord again for you; as He Is so Surprisingly, Wonderfully , Awesome to us!!!
...And Lastly too Alison, I will pray especially, that God's Miracle Promise can return for you as well, not certainly negating anything that you and your husband will have to work out between the two of you for the Wonderful promise of Love that only God can restore! .
..so I too will pray for God's , Love, Mercy, & Peace surround You each day for you & for all those who Loved Ones as Well. should you choose to work out all the details that will bring truthful understanding back into you and your husbands marriage.
The Two of YOU are all Worth It!!
God Bless, Michelle
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Permalink Reply by Mark S on
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What in you wants to make your marriage succeed? How do I get my wife to have a desire for ours to succeed? I recommend that you read desperate marriages by Gary Chapman and ask your husband to read Every Man's Marriage.. They have made me see the light. I know how I want to treat my wife and have a list of all the changes I want to make. Now I am just waiting to see if my wife is going to give me the chance to show her.
Watch Video- Mitch Speaking on The Marriage Turnaround
Mitch Temple discusses his book The Marriage Turnaround with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages , on his national radio show Building Relationships:
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