Will this book help us if he won't read it?
Hi, Mitch!
I am interested in turning my marriage from an unhappy/angry one to a happy, healthy marriage. I've read self-help marriage books before and tried to follow what they say to do, but my husband (the angry part) will not read. Anything. He has no one to hold him accountable and no one to talk to and no friends or family (that he speaks to) and believes that all of our issues are because of my imperfections. If I would just... or just... then he would have no reason to become angry and yell and swear and sleep on the couch, ignoring me for days at a time.
My question is will my reading your book help both of us? I am willing to do anything. I've seen a counselor (when I couldn't stop crying) and been advised that he will never get any better, so I should leave him (won't do it!). I've talked with his mother, whose husband is also very angry and difficult. All she can do is pray for us (which is much appreciated). But when my husband found out I had talked with her, he got angry (his default emotion). Can't talk to my family, because they don't get along with him. Any time he thinks I've discussed our issues with anyone, he thinks I'm tattling on him or complaining to get sympathy. I just want to know what I should do to break through to him. He claims to be a Christian, even prays with me when we're getting along. But his fruit shows that he is believing Satan's lies about marriage and life in general.
Looking forward to any words of wisdom you would share. Your ministry is vital and I hold it up in prayer.
God bless you.
Jennifer
p.s. Our 16th anniversary is in 2 days and I don't even know how to plan, as he isn't currently speaking to me. Again. Over some issue that would barely annoy another person.
I am interested in turning my marriage from an unhappy/angry one to a happy, healthy marriage. I've read self-help marriage books before and tried to follow what they say to do, but my husband (the angry part) will not read. Anything. He has no one to hold him accountable and no one to talk to and no friends or family (that he speaks to) and believes that all of our issues are because of my imperfections. If I would just... or just... then he would have no reason to become angry and yell and swear and sleep on the couch, ignoring me for days at a time.
My question is will my reading your book help both of us? I am willing to do anything. I've seen a counselor (when I couldn't stop crying) and been advised that he will never get any better, so I should leave him (won't do it!). I've talked with his mother, whose husband is also very angry and difficult. All she can do is pray for us (which is much appreciated). But when my husband found out I had talked with her, he got angry (his default emotion). Can't talk to my family, because they don't get along with him. Any time he thinks I've discussed our issues with anyone, he thinks I'm tattling on him or complaining to get sympathy. I just want to know what I should do to break through to him. He claims to be a Christian, even prays with me when we're getting along. But his fruit shows that he is believing Satan's lies about marriage and life in general.
Looking forward to any words of wisdom you would share. Your ministry is vital and I hold it up in prayer.
God bless you.
Jennifer
p.s. Our 16th anniversary is in 2 days and I don't even know how to plan, as he isn't currently speaking to me. Again. Over some issue that would barely annoy another person.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mitch Temple on -
Jennifer, thanks for your comments and sharing your heart. I think the book can help you. I've worked with many couples (in fact most couples) where one is motivated and the other is checked out or just plain old mean. I talk about ways to lessen the tension in the marriage, how to focus on yourself and how changes in one part of the system can help in the other. In these types of situations, sometimes tough love has to be employed. If you have not, read Tough Love by Dr. James Dodson.
I would encourage you to find a counselor who will put their energy into helping you solve this problem, not put an end to it. That's the default for many therapists who have a "if you are not getting immediate results, kill it" mentality. I dont agree and thankful that you dont either. The book does bring to light stories and insights for couples "who dont know what else to do."
You will be in my prayers this evening. I pray that God will open your heart and your husbands to see the things that need to be seen, open doors that seem to be shut and work miracles that you didnt think were possible.
Mitch
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer on -
Thank you, Mr. Temple. Your prayers and your encouragement mean alot. I will be ordering your book and keeping my heart open to God's will and possibilities. I know He has a plan to give us hope and a future. Counselling has been prohibitively expensive, but I will keep an open mind to that, as well.
I did read Tough Love by Dr. Dobson, but so much of it dealt with physical abuse (which I, thankfully, don't suffer) and with keeping children secure during other issues (no kids, long story).
Looking forward to receiving your book and I'm sure I'll have more questions for you. Thank you for your reply and especially for lifting us, and many other couples, to The Father. I know He is the solution to every human woe.
God bless you!
Jennifer
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Permalink Reply by Mitch Temple on
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God bless you Jennifer and will continue to pray for you.
Mitch
Jennifer said:Thank you, Mr. Temple. Your prayers and your encouragement mean alot. I will be ordering your book and keeping my heart open to God's will and possibilities. I know He has a plan to give us hope and a future. Counselling has been prohibitively expensive, but I will keep an open mind to that, as well.
I did read Tough Love by Dr. Dobson, but so much of it dealt with physical abuse (which I, thankfully, don't suffer) and with keeping children secure during other issues (no kids, long story).
Looking forward to receiving your book and I'm sure I'll have more questions for you. Thank you for your reply and especially for lifting us, and many other couples, to The Father. I know He is the solution to every human woe.
God bless you!
Jennifer
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Mitch Temple discusses his book The Marriage Turnaround with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages , on his national radio show Building Relationships:
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