My Marriage Is In Trouble.
Mitch-
First, thank you for allowing me to be a member of this website I am honored to be here.
My wife and I have been married for 2 1/2 years and have been together for 8 years. We started off on the wrong foot to begin with as we moved in together within two months of dating, had a daughter within 7 months of dating and then had a son two years after that.. which now I know hurt our marriage before we even thought of getting married.
9 days ago my wife came home and told me she wanted a divorce. I at first told her I'd give her what she wanted out of hurt and anger and after 5 minutes I changed my tune and told her that I will fight for her and our marriage for the rest of my life. Her reasons were because she tired of how I talked to her and our kids and how I always cussed at her and our kids. I have struggled with anger for along time, most of my life. When I would get irritated or when we'd have an argument I would yell and cuss and when the kids wouldn't listen I would finally yell loud and cuss at them either calling them some cuss word or just cussing. She told me that I was like the boy who cried wolf in that I have told her several times int he past that I will change and that I do for a short while before going back to my normal angry foul mouthed ways.I have now started therapy with a christian counselor to deal with my anger.
A year ago I got drunk and picked a fight with her and she ended up locking herself in our bedroom and I kicked the door in on her. That was my last time taking a drink and that was a year ago.
I had been working as a directional driller and in November I lost my job, my wife works every day as a dayhab provider for mentally challenged people. After I lost my job I stayed home with the kids and wouldn't pick up the house like I should've been doing, my wife was also the spiritual leader of our house as I didn't go to church, so she was the bread provider for our family, the house cleaner, the dinner maker, and the spiritual leader of our house. Which has led us to where we are today, with my wife telling me she wants a divorce. I have in the last 9 days moved out of our home and now get the kids every weekend.
Prior to making the decision that she wanted a divorce she talked to one person that was solid in faith and is a ministry leader and that lady told her not to get a divorce, but to pray about things. My wife told me the other night that she did pray about it and that God told her to get a divorce.
My wife's parents are against us getting a divorce and are concerned at her lack of fight for our marriage and that she says God leads her, but God hates divorce, so that doesn't make sense, but I don't want to judge my wife at all.
I have in the last 9 days realized that I have failed my wife and kids in almost every way possible. I have in the last 9 days realized how much I love my wife and want our marriage to be healed and to work. I refuse to give up on our marriage, but I also realize that I have a major battle on my hands trying to save my marriage. To me there is a HUGE difference between breaking up with a girlfriend and ending your marriage and I will fight until I'm dead to save it. So far my wife has stayed with her decision to get a divorce and she hasn't been willing to fight for our marriage.
Last night I got onto my knees in the living room and prayed to God that I was sorry for failing my family, that I was sorry for failing Him, that I was sorry that I didn't put Him first in my life or my marriage, and that I repent all my sins, and recommit my life to His service. Since last night I have had a great peace to me. I no longer have the worry that there is another guy or that she'll find one or that this marriage is doomed, I now realize that God is the ultimate miracle worker and that all things are possible through Him.
I have been praying that God change me for the better and that He take all my anger away and that He help me to forgive the people that hurt me as a kid and to forgive my family for taking my Dad off life support and the He would make my wife willing to work on our marriage and that He would put His hand on our marriage to help it be fixed and be a Christ centered marriage.
Other than praying I don't what else to do to save my marriage. My lack of job makes certain things unattainable that might work to save it.
Thank you for your time and again for allowing me to be a member of your website. Sorry that this is sooooo long.
Roll Tide and God Bless,
Cory
First, thank you for allowing me to be a member of this website I am honored to be here.
My wife and I have been married for 2 1/2 years and have been together for 8 years. We started off on the wrong foot to begin with as we moved in together within two months of dating, had a daughter within 7 months of dating and then had a son two years after that.. which now I know hurt our marriage before we even thought of getting married.
9 days ago my wife came home and told me she wanted a divorce. I at first told her I'd give her what she wanted out of hurt and anger and after 5 minutes I changed my tune and told her that I will fight for her and our marriage for the rest of my life. Her reasons were because she tired of how I talked to her and our kids and how I always cussed at her and our kids. I have struggled with anger for along time, most of my life. When I would get irritated or when we'd have an argument I would yell and cuss and when the kids wouldn't listen I would finally yell loud and cuss at them either calling them some cuss word or just cussing. She told me that I was like the boy who cried wolf in that I have told her several times int he past that I will change and that I do for a short while before going back to my normal angry foul mouthed ways.I have now started therapy with a christian counselor to deal with my anger.
A year ago I got drunk and picked a fight with her and she ended up locking herself in our bedroom and I kicked the door in on her. That was my last time taking a drink and that was a year ago.
I had been working as a directional driller and in November I lost my job, my wife works every day as a dayhab provider for mentally challenged people. After I lost my job I stayed home with the kids and wouldn't pick up the house like I should've been doing, my wife was also the spiritual leader of our house as I didn't go to church, so she was the bread provider for our family, the house cleaner, the dinner maker, and the spiritual leader of our house. Which has led us to where we are today, with my wife telling me she wants a divorce. I have in the last 9 days moved out of our home and now get the kids every weekend.
Prior to making the decision that she wanted a divorce she talked to one person that was solid in faith and is a ministry leader and that lady told her not to get a divorce, but to pray about things. My wife told me the other night that she did pray about it and that God told her to get a divorce.
My wife's parents are against us getting a divorce and are concerned at her lack of fight for our marriage and that she says God leads her, but God hates divorce, so that doesn't make sense, but I don't want to judge my wife at all.
I have in the last 9 days realized that I have failed my wife and kids in almost every way possible. I have in the last 9 days realized how much I love my wife and want our marriage to be healed and to work. I refuse to give up on our marriage, but I also realize that I have a major battle on my hands trying to save my marriage. To me there is a HUGE difference between breaking up with a girlfriend and ending your marriage and I will fight until I'm dead to save it. So far my wife has stayed with her decision to get a divorce and she hasn't been willing to fight for our marriage.
Last night I got onto my knees in the living room and prayed to God that I was sorry for failing my family, that I was sorry for failing Him, that I was sorry that I didn't put Him first in my life or my marriage, and that I repent all my sins, and recommit my life to His service. Since last night I have had a great peace to me. I no longer have the worry that there is another guy or that she'll find one or that this marriage is doomed, I now realize that God is the ultimate miracle worker and that all things are possible through Him.
I have been praying that God change me for the better and that He take all my anger away and that He help me to forgive the people that hurt me as a kid and to forgive my family for taking my Dad off life support and the He would make my wife willing to work on our marriage and that He would put His hand on our marriage to help it be fixed and be a Christ centered marriage.
Other than praying I don't what else to do to save my marriage. My lack of job makes certain things unattainable that might work to save it.
Thank you for your time and again for allowing me to be a member of your website. Sorry that this is sooooo long.
Roll Tide and God Bless,
Cory
Views: 9
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mitch Temple on -
Cory, thank you for pouring your heart out. The way to win back a marriage is to first be humble. You will not get anywhere by demanding rights or asking "what about me." The scripture says that if you humble yourself, that God will lift you up. There is no other way. It sounds like you are heading in the right direction.
I would recommend a couple of things:
1. Buy and read: The Love Dare and The Marriage Turnaorund. Do what they say.
2. Prove your self. Go to counseling. Go to a Pastor on a regular basis. Prove to her you are doing the right things.
3. Get into an Intensive for couples in crisis. There's a couple of options with non profits: savemymarriage.com and our intensive (see events on our website). We will make it work for you. Our goal is to save marriages, not get rich.
4. Continue to pray. Prayer will change you if it never changes anyone else. Often God changes others by first changing us.
5. Dont give up. Fight for your marriage. Take one step, one day at the time.
6. Dont let emotions drive you. Do the right thing and the chances are increased dramatically that the right outcomes will follow.
Mitch
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Permalink Reply by Cory McDonald on -
Mitch,
Thank you for replying. I have been going to counseling and I talk to two Pastors daily. I hate to sound so poor, but I can't afford the books or an intensive, although I wish I could.
I have noticed one change with things and that is that my wife messaged my Pastor's wife for the first time in two months, my wife changed churches because she was angry with the people at that church, so I take encouragement from that.
One of things hurting us is I have told her several times in the past that I would change and I changed for awhile and then went back to being the way that got me into this mess. This time is different though... I never got God involved with changing my life and I can for the first time in my life notice a change inside me. I am now living for God. It floors me that even after all my sinning God took me no questions asked and is using me for His service. Friday night when I got on my knees and repented and recommitted I felt a feeling that I have NEVER felt... really awesome!!!
Is it wrong of me to txt my wife and say "I love you" to her? Will this hurt things? Sorry for the silly questions, but I have never stared divorce like this.
Again thank you for everything you do for marriages like mine.
Roll Tide and God Bless.
Cory
Mitch Temple said:Cory, thank you for pouring your heart out. The way to win back a marriage is to first be humble. You will not get anywhere by demanding rights or asking "what about me." The scripture says that if you humble yourself, that God will lift you up. There is no other way. It sounds like you are heading in the right direction.
I would recommend a couple of things:
1. Buy and read: The Love Dare and The Marriage Turnaorund. Do what they say.
2. Prove your self. Go to counseling. Go to a Pastor on a regular basis. Prove to her you are doing the right things.
3. Get into an Intensive for couples in crisis. There's a couple of options with non profits: savemymarriage.com and our intensive (see events on our website). We will make it work for you. Our goal is to save marriages, not get rich.
4. Continue to pray. Prayer will change you if it never changes anyone else. Often God changes others by first changing us.
5. Dont give up. Fight for your marriage. Take one step, one day at the time.
6. Dont let emotions drive you. Do the right thing and the chances are increased dramatically that the right outcomes will follow.
Mitch
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Permalink Reply by Mitch Temple on
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Corey, hang in there.
It depends on how angry she is. You may need to give her some room but at the same time dont go completely the opposite direction. Ask her how she is doing and if there is anything you can do for her versus I love you. Slowly prove to her you are changed, one step at the time.
Mitch
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Permalink Reply by Cory McDonald on
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Mitch-
Sorry to bug you again, but I have new concern about my marriage. I found out today that my wife has the divorce paperwork and was filling it out today. I didn't think she'd get the paperwork already, but I was wrong. I don't know now what to do to save my marriage. It seems that she's serious about wanting a divorce. Like I said before without having a job I can't afford anything of substance like your book or a intensive.
On the job front I do have an interview on Monday and it looks really promising.
Thank you for everything.
God Bless,
Cory
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Permalink Reply by Mitch Temple on
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God bless you Cory. Keep trying.
Mitch
Cory McDonald said:Mitch-
Sorry to bug you again, but I have new concern about my marriage. I found out today that my wife has the divorce paperwork and was filling it out today. I didn't think she'd get the paperwork already, but I was wrong. I don't know now what to do to save my marriage. It seems that she's serious about wanting a divorce. Like I said before without having a job I can't afford anything of substance like your book or a intensive.
On the job front I do have an interview on Monday and it looks really promising.
Thank you for everything.
God Bless,
Cory
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Permalink Reply by Alison K on -
Thank you for these points. It is helpful.
Mitch Temple said:Cory, thank you for pouring your heart out. The way to win back a marriage is to first be humble. You will not get anywhere by demanding rights or asking "what about me." The scripture says that if you humble yourself, that God will lift you up. There is no other way. It sounds like you are heading in the right direction.
I would recommend a couple of things:
1. Buy and read: The Love Dare and The Marriage Turnaorund. Do what they say.
2. Prove your self. Go to counseling. Go to a Pastor on a regular basis. Prove to her you are doing the right things.
3. Get into an Intensive for couples in crisis. There's a couple of options with non profits: savemymarriage.com and our intensive (see events on our website). We will make it work for you. Our goal is to save marriages, not get rich.
4. Continue to pray. Prayer will change you if it never changes anyone else. Often God changes others by first changing us.
5. Dont give up. Fight for your marriage. Take one step, one day at the time.
6. Dont let emotions drive you. Do the right thing and the chances are increased dramatically that the right outcomes will follow.
Mitch
Watch Video- Mitch Speaking on The Marriage Turnaround
Mitch Temple discusses his book The Marriage Turnaround with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages , on his national radio show Building Relationships:
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